two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
