Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I got inside last night via doggy door
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
