I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He passed out mid-signature
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
