This is not my ceiling
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
