My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
