I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
