Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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