somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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