i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
