the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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