After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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