haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
