Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
