The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
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I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
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it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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