In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
