nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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