dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
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where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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