You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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