Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
