Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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