i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
