SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
