Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
