I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
