i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
