I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
