Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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