Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
