Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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