so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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