Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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