I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
