i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
