Don't you send me to vm
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
