He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
