I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
