THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
