i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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