dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
