Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
