Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
