I'm really into asian looking animals
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
