i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
