Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
