Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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