Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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