How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
