Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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