Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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