Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
