Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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