his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
