we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
