matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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