my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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