My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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