Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
