I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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