we have pet lesbian snakes
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I want a musical about memes.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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