Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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