He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
