wanna go halves on a baby?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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