I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
