she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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