Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
