i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
