I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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