totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
