I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
