While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize