So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
