just tell him i said nine months
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
