i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
