I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
