i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
FUCK WHALES
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize