I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
