The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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