Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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