The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for