Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?

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  (303): I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow? http://tfl.nu/hnqf
  Replies (12) Good night (3406) Bad night (933)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?

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  (251): Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl? http://tfl.nu/mkwq
  Replies (38) Good night (1039) Bad night (3844)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets

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  (207): there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets http://tfl.nu/n8se
  Replies (23) Good night (1668) Bad night (8325)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  How did your new apartment party go last night?

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.

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  (812): How did your new apartment party go last night? (219): I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in. http://tfl.nu/upa6
  Replies (3) Good night (4001) Bad night (926)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.

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  (708): She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin. http://tfl.nu/wbej
  Replies (24) Good night (1984) Bad night (6937)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.

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  (352): Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person. http://tfl.nu/l0db
  Replies (10) Good night (1263) Bad night (3729)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.

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  (814): I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone. http://tfl.nu/qodf
  Replies (2) Good night (2309) Bad night (973)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.

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  (786): You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager. http://tfl.nu/4g1t
  Replies (3) Good night (2955) Bad night (1197)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....

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  (616): No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet.... http://tfl.nu/e90k
  Replies (3) Good night (2041) Bad night (1655)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.

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  (905): Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are. http://tfl.nu/m18s
  Replies (2) Good night (3180) Bad night (920)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.

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  (727): Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago. http://tfl.nu/0eob
  Replies (16) Good night (4571) Bad night (1285)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.

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  (804): My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur. http://tfl.nu/bitm
  Replies (11) Good night (3150) Bad night (1426)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box

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  (423): Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box http://tfl.nu/1krj
  Replies (6) Good night (549) Bad night (360)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.

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  (850): I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud. http://tfl.nu/kbf4
  Replies (2) Good night (265) Bad night (362)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.

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  (609): He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working. http://tfl.nu/f5m2
  Replies (4) Good night (511) Bad night (214)

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