Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
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There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
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I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.