There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
