when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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