I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.