It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
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Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.